How the Internet led one teenage girl to believe that she'd rather be a boy
Thank you, Helena:
I am 50 years old and, even having grown up in the 70s, I can relate to profound childhood alienation from the widely disseminated idea of a sexual female. Now, as a mother of an 11 year old girl, I am struggling to figure out how to protect her and talk to her about the phenomenon of internet porn. Let alone how to insulate my 9 year old son from it...
Illuminating, to say the least. In the much less porn-saturated world of the 1970s that I grew up in (before the VCR and home porn revolution), it was hard for teens to find "real" porn (not pictures of naked ladies -- something hard core, rather). As Helena writes, it had to be sought out, and it wasn't easy to find. I can remember struggling in my late teens in the 1980s, once hard core porn was available at home without too much trouble, between the real in the here and now and the fantasy projected on the screen. It was still roped off to an extent and not available with a few clicks.
Being male, I usually thought about what boys would have to struggle with (real vs. fantasy) as porn moved toward omnipresence in the 1990s and 2000s. But periodically, I would also be reminded of how girls and women would react to the pull of that image and subculture and what it meant to and for them. Now having children of both sexes, I think about it again in yet another way.
It was never realistic to imagine that the internet, not just social media, could be limited to adults. We might need to deeply rethink the presence of the internet in our homes.
At nearly 60 and thankfully not a parent, I have looked on aghast at the gender nonsense, the violent misogyny, and the hypersexualised media that "young people" consume, knowing it WILL harm them. I am grateful for your explanation of what you perceive to be going on, and I am sure you are right. I am glad you have been able to wake up and finally become yourself. Best wishes for the rest of your life and thank you for communicating so bravely.
Consider regulating phone and internet use among yourself and your children. Orthodox Jews try to be careful with phone and internet use because even “safe” sites have links that go in the wrong direction . Many avoid watching prime time network and free cable except for news and sports and many do not own television sets for the same reason . If you read the plot lines about a series or movie you can avoid bringing garbage into your house instead of taking it out .Alternatively you can also strongly consider thinking about what you watch on television other than the news .For instance , watching the Super Bowl is a great way to get together but the halftime show should be avoided as should MTV and premium cable where Hollywood tries to really push the envelope of what is acceptable as long as an audience is willing to pay for it .
School sex education is also scaring girls. My step-son, in about 10th grade, told his mom and me how teachers had showed the class close up pictures of childbirth that had kids fainting and getting sick and left some of the girls panicked and crying. Don't know if this was a typical birth they were shown or not, but no previous generation of girls were ever even allowed to witness childbirth, never mind having it pushed in their faces by government busybodies.
From the sound of it, they could have created an actual classically conditioned aversion to being female.
An insightful article. I retired 3 years ago as a mental health therapist for children and youths here in Canada. I saw many teens, both girls and boys, and learned about the sexual pressures they suffer. Boys who are “addicted” to porn and try to pressure female classmates to circulate nude photos of themselves, girls who felt pressured into attachment-free “hookup culture”. Then there are the boys who are more mature and try to resist. They sometimes find that treating girls respectfully is spurned by the girls themselves, who have been conditioned to believe masculinity means a cavalier attitude towards women and penchant for rough sex. I feel heartsick remembering these young people and realizing how many more like them online “culture” is creating. What can we do? At the personal level, I recommend opening a loving, non-judgmental conversation about these topics with the youths in our lives. They deserve to know that the adults around them have reasoned, valid reservations about these issues and real concerns about the effects on them and their peers. An article like this one might be a good conversation-opener with a thoughtful teen, or Billy Eilish’s story.
Stop the gay bashing--most LGB folks want to lead quiet, decent lives and to contribute to society. All movements have their outliers and the LGB movement was taken over years ago by the transgender activists who only represent the lunatic fringe. LGB is totally different from the T which was force teamed onto the LGB in order to gain easier acceptance. But there is nothing in common w/ the TQplus whatever alphabet soup.
What a horrendous destruction of the entire human being (body, mind and soul) pornography, homosexuality and transgenderism are. I watched the interview with Helena and Rod Dreher and Kale Seldom. The interviewers describe her "transitioning process" as demonic and she agrees. Transgender teens and adults have the highest suicidal rate that there is, comparable only to Jews in Nazi concentration camps. I have 5 boys ages 29 to 15, and I have always been so grateful to God for our Catholic Faith which grounds them soundly and firmly into who they really are: men created in the glorious image and likeness of a loving God. We have always been very close as a family and have never shied away from the very difficult conversations. They have always come back to us when they need to really talk about something heavy and we have always been ready and open to listening. I weep for these poor souls that are sucked into this diabolical vortex orchestrated by specific people with a specific agenda, that uses them and discards them as trash when they are no longer useful to this perverted agenda, without giving it a second thought what becomes of their lives after this infamous make-believe episode. When we take God completely out of the picture and we reject Him, this and more horrendous things we can expect.
This is an idea I hadn't considered and it makes a lot of sex to me. Even without the internet or video p0rn, I grew up as a girl not wanting anything to do with sex, boys, or men. They shouted from passing cars about what my value was. It was extremely alienating.
I never felt I was supposed to be a boy, but I have called myself, jokingly, a female impersonator at times. I'm not overly agreeable, I don't have warm and hospitable feelings towards people I'm not friendly with, I'm not a homemaker, I'm not interested in outre sex . . . I do think a reasonable takeaway from this piece is straight men -- once again -- have a lot to answer for if their normal conduct is making generations of women feel like they don't fit in a world where sex kitten or saint (teacher, nurse) were and still are to some extent the two available options. The hazing and danger involved for women in other professions is intended to discourage them from competing (because when women compete with men, they win too much).
Straight men are the reason people are afraid of transwomen in women's bathrooms. Straight men are why no one wants a young woman to walk home alone, and also why if that woman reports a rape, she won't be believed, he won't be apprehended, and there won't be a trial to hold him responsible. Why? Because while all women are constantly at risk of being raped, none of them actually are; they're all masterful liars.
Maybe there's a way for straight men to stop calling any woman who *does* choose to have sex with men a "slut" or "whore." After all, she has a partner, and he's not disrespected. Maybe there's a way for them to not fill the comments section of any woman they disagree with with negative comments about her appearance, coupled with threats to sexually assault her. I wonder if straight men can learn to treat women as people who, as a part of their lives, sometimes have sex, instead of primarily as objects whose sexual appeal should be the topic of most conversations involving her. If she is appealing to them, she's an unavailable bitch and can be disregarded; if she's not appealing to them, she has no value whatsoever and can therefore be disregarded.
I wish straight men would read this interesting piece and consider why a teenager might want to escape womanhood, and whether there's anything they might do about it besides call her a woke idiot who's bringing down western civilization. Something to think about ~
I reside in a Red southern city. Everywhere you look there's vehicles with Confederate stickers and depictions of naked women. Strip clubs are full on any given night. So, I'm not going for the agenda Helena is promoting. I read one of her articles where she referenced being a white girl,while proceeding to regurgitate "replacement theory" dogma. I suggest she research and find out how pornography went mainstream and who it's biggest consumers are. All Helena's doing is trading debunked ideologies.
"Ideally, a girl should be able to explore sexual ideas in a safe way, when she’s old enough to choose it herself, in ways and with people that are age appropriate for her. Today, that developmental pathway has been hijacked."
This is the only part I disagree with. People should wait until marriage to have sex. That's the most healthy way, and the way God intended.
The idea that transgenderism (and likely much of the invention of multiple forms of gender identity) is a flight from rather than an embrace of sexuality has been on my mind for some time. This article provides some support for this idea.
Wishing the writer all the best on her journey.
Turkish translation of your article: