41 Comments

Thank you, Helena:

I am 50 years old and, even having grown up in the 70s, I can relate to profound childhood alienation from the widely disseminated idea of a sexual female. Now, as a mother of an 11 year old girl, I am struggling to figure out how to protect her and talk to her about the phenomenon of internet porn. Let alone how to insulate my 9 year old son from it...

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Margaret, look into online parental controls that block that filth. Be careful of who they hang out with where unsupervised access to the internet is allowed. You are already ahead of the game by being aware of the problem. Good luck.

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Illuminating, to say the least. In the much less porn-saturated world of the 1970s that I grew up in (before the VCR and home porn revolution), it was hard for teens to find "real" porn (not pictures of naked ladies -- something hard core, rather). As Helena writes, it had to be sought out, and it wasn't easy to find. I can remember struggling in my late teens in the 1980s, once hard core porn was available at home without too much trouble, between the real in the here and now and the fantasy projected on the screen. It was still roped off to an extent and not available with a few clicks.

Being male, I usually thought about what boys would have to struggle with (real vs. fantasy) as porn moved toward omnipresence in the 1990s and 2000s. But periodically, I would also be reminded of how girls and women would react to the pull of that image and subculture and what it meant to and for them. Now having children of both sexes, I think about it again in yet another way.

It was never realistic to imagine that the internet, not just social media, could be limited to adults. We might need to deeply rethink the presence of the internet in our homes.

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Porn is not fantasy. THAT is the problem with it. Do you honestly think those people in front of the camera are pretending? I can't believe people actually say nonsense like "it's only fantasy."

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Whether or not it's a fantasy for the porn actors in front of the camera, it is a fantasy for the audience. It's the "freak show of sex," as a friend called it.

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At nearly 60 and thankfully not a parent, I have looked on aghast at the gender nonsense, the violent misogyny, and the hypersexualised media that "young people" consume, knowing it WILL harm them. I am grateful for your explanation of what you perceive to be going on, and I am sure you are right. I am glad you have been able to wake up and finally become yourself. Best wishes for the rest of your life and thank you for communicating so bravely.

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Consider regulating phone and internet use among yourself and your children. Orthodox Jews try to be careful with phone and internet use because even “safe” sites have links that go in the wrong direction . Many avoid watching prime time network and free cable except for news and sports and many do not own television sets for the same reason . If you read the plot lines about a series or movie you can avoid bringing garbage into your house instead of taking it out .Alternatively you can also strongly consider thinking about what you watch on television other than the news .For instance , watching the Super Bowl is a great way to get together but the halftime show should be avoided as should MTV and premium cable where Hollywood tries to really push the envelope of what is acceptable as long as an audience is willing to pay for it .

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School sex education is also scaring girls. My step-son, in about 10th grade, told his mom and me how teachers had showed the class close up pictures of childbirth that had kids fainting and getting sick and left some of the girls panicked and crying. Don't know if this was a typical birth they were shown or not, but no previous generation of girls were ever even allowed to witness childbirth, never mind having it pushed in their faces by government busybodies.

From the sound of it, they could have created an actual classically conditioned aversion to being female.

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Everyone should be aware of the human body's capabilities, i.e . chilbirth/ how babies are made. Taking knowledge/education away is not a way to help folks make educated descicions about having or not having children.

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Unless you're taking courses on how to be a medical professional, you can learn about childbirth and how babies are made without displaying graphic pictures or videos.

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No, you actually can't.

Childbirth is a normal part of many women's lives. Why should the reality of it be hidden? To trick women into having unprotected sex that they doesn't understand will lead exactly there? The vaseline-lens photos of mothers and babies rocking peacefully depict a tiny part of what pregnancy, childbirth, and child-raising involves, and it leads to many girls and women being hugely disillusioned. They should see videos of childbirth, the lasting damage it does to many women's bodies, the painful recovery while caring for a newborn, and the monotony and fatigue of parenting. Yes, there's joy to be discovered.

The serious downsides of keeping girls and boys ignorant of what fooling around can lead to without contraceptive and transparent planning on both parts have gotten far more severe now that the option to terminate an unwanted pregnancy has vanished in a lot of the country. Immature, resentful parents who feel old and tied down before their time is no joke for the little ones they bring into the world. Every single baby should be deeply wanted, and welcomed into a family that can meet their needs. Why we'd want to keep all of that an awful surprise makes no sense. Prepare parents to do their jobs well, don't ambush them with pain and drudgery.

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Would you agree with pro life protestors waving placards showing the results of different stage abortions outside of clinics then?

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If jackasses want to spend their free time waving stupid signs in front of clinics doing valuable work, they're welcome to do so.

Meanwhile I'll be in front of their homes waving photos of slaughterhouse activities and reminding their neighbors the cruelty they don't mind at all when they stuff their faces. I expect it will have exactly the same impact on their eating habits as their shit has on my reproductive choices.

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I say use contraceptives, you say eat plant based <shrug>

the sad fact is babies, freedom, and meat are huge pleasures in life and we'll inflict hardship on ourselves and others in order to get them. But we don't want labour, abortion or meatpacking shoved in our faces.

As the poet said, Mankind cannot bear too much reality.

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Nope, nope, nope. There is no excuse to show this.

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The alternative to being graphic about how pregnancy occurs and how it plays out is failed "abstinence only" sex" education. Nurses in maternity wards are overly familiar with girls showing up in labor and truthfully saying, "I have no idea how this happened!"

Conservatives like their women ignorant, poor, and pregnant or nursing.

There's no reason a "female" will find true sexual health information contradictory to womanhood. What conservatives are afraid of is they'll realize the true consequences of unprotected sex and start refusing to have it, and we just can't have all those young women running off to college and good-paying jobs . . . otherwise who can we trap into being babymakers and homemakers who are second class adults in their own homes, since they don't earn as much as their sperm donors?

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Stop the gay bashing--most LGB folks want to lead quiet, decent lives and to contribute to society. All movements have their outliers and the LGB movement was taken over years ago by the transgender activists who only represent the lunatic fringe. LGB is totally different from the T which was force teamed onto the LGB in order to gain easier acceptance. But there is nothing in common w/ the TQplus whatever alphabet soup.

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An insightful article. I retired 3 years ago as a mental health therapist for children and youths here in Canada. I saw many teens, both girls and boys, and learned about the sexual pressures they suffer. Boys who are “addicted” to porn and try to pressure female classmates to circulate nude photos of themselves, girls who felt pressured into attachment-free “hookup culture”. Then there are the boys who are more mature and try to resist. They sometimes find that treating girls respectfully is spurned by the girls themselves, who have been conditioned to believe masculinity means a cavalier attitude towards women and penchant for rough sex. I feel heartsick remembering these young people and realizing how many more like them online “culture” is creating. What can we do? At the personal level, I recommend opening a loving, non-judgmental conversation about these topics with the youths in our lives. They deserve to know that the adults around them have reasoned, valid reservations about these issues and real concerns about the effects on them and their peers. An article like this one might be a good conversation-opener with a thoughtful teen, or Billy Eilish’s story.

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What a horrendous destruction of the entire human being (body, mind and soul) pornography, homosexuality and transgenderism are. I watched the interview with Helena and Rod Dreher and Kale Seldom. The interviewers describe her "transitioning process" as demonic and she agrees. Transgender teens and adults have the highest suicidal rate that there is, comparable only to Jews in Nazi concentration camps. I have 5 boys ages 29 to 15, and I have always been so grateful to God for our Catholic Faith which grounds them soundly and firmly into who they really are: men created in the glorious image and likeness of a loving God. We have always been very close as a family and have never shied away from the very difficult conversations. They have always come back to us when they need to really talk about something heavy and we have always been ready and open to listening. I weep for these poor souls that are sucked into this diabolical vortex orchestrated by specific people with a specific agenda, that uses them and discards them as trash when they are no longer useful to this perverted agenda, without giving it a second thought what becomes of their lives after this infamous make-believe episode. When we take God completely out of the picture and we reject Him, this and more horrendous things we can expect.

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You know there are as many homosexual Catholics as there are Protestants and atheists, right? That goes for trans people as well. Where is the loving acceptance Christ tried to teach you?

It's possible that your close family is entirely honest with everyone about everything. It's more likely, though, that one or more of your sons has a secret -- an important part of themselves they know they can't share with you without being cast out. People lie to those who make it impossible to tell them the truth. Disapproving of someone's sexual orientation or gender noncomformity doesn't make it go away.

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The fact that that are some sodomites, trans etc that claim to be Catholic doesn't make it right. If you filter it through authentic perennial Catholic Doctrine that has not changed in 2000 years and was established by Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, it is WRONG. Regarding the so called "tolerance and acceptance" there can never be such thing at the expense of the TRUTH. If you had cancer (heaven forbid) would you rather have a doctor tell you " you have cancer, we need to do something about it and it's going to hurt" or would you rather have one that would tell you "it's all right, everything is going to be ok, don't worry, cancer is a good thing"? We love the person but we can never tolerate the sin. If you were walking towards a precipice and I knew that you were going to fall and probably get badly hurt or die, would you be ok with me not saying anything or would you prefer if I would warn you and save you from a really bad fall? THE CLASSIC EXAMPLE: Our Lord told Mary Magdalene the prostitute she was forgiven because she REPENTED from her sin and stopped committing it. He told her: "GO AND SIN NO MORE". HAHAHAH regarding your comments about my sons I take them for what they are: plain and pure garbage, not even worth commenting on. Biology and Medicine have existed since Hippocrates in the 4th century BC and it has been always a constant that has never changed: God created them MALE AND FEMALE. No matter how many so called "genders" people would like to invent this will never change the FACT that if you have a DNA test it will yield only one of two possible results: either you are a man or a woman. Period. When a person's thinking and beliefs do not conform with reality, that is insanity. Now there are people claiming they are mermaids, cats, vampires, reptiles, etc, etc. and trying to live like animals. If any of them get sick, should they go to a veterinarian instead of a regular doctor that treat people? Give me a break! This insanity can only go for so long before the whole thing comes crushing to the ground, there is no foundation to it what so ever and it is bound to be dismantled very soon.

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Doctrine that hasn't changed in 2000 years?? Do you think a few people sat down and wrote the bible all at once? All eye witnesses? How did Jesus Christ write the Old Testament before he was born?

This insanity can only go for so long before the whole thing comes crushing to the ground, there is no foundation to it what so ever and it is bound to be dismantled very soon.

"Now there are people claiming they are mermaids, cats, vampires, reptiles, etc, etc. and trying to live like animals." No, there aren't.

Why do you presume anyone cares about your religious beliefs, or should have to live by them? My beliefs are very different. How about I shove those down your throat? Speaking of conforming with reality . . . You're basing your life on fairytales composed by men who never met Jesus Christ. They're just spewing out their personal philosophies. Fine with me if you want to use that as a code instead of developing your own morality. Not everyone does that. Why are you so fascinated by what strangers do in their bedrooms? Or their gender identity? Is there a single way it affects you or is your business? Do you think your judgment about what other people should or should not do is superior? I think you should take responsibility for your own actions instead of confessing them instead of eating "the body of Christ" (what was that about reality?) and going out to sin again week after week while pretending you're more righteous than anyone else.

"This insanity can only go for so long before the whole thing comes crushing to the ground, there is no foundation to it what so ever and it is bound to be dismantled very soon."

If that's so, why do you bring it up and make an issue of it? Where did Jesus say being judgmental is a good thing?

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The fact that that are some sodomites, trans etc that claim to be Catholic doesn't make it right. If you filter it through authentic perennial Catholic Doctrine that has not changed in 2000 years and was established by Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, it is WRONG. Regarding the so called "tolerance and acceptance" there can never be such thing at the expense of the TRUTH. If you had cancer (heaven forbid) would you rather have a doctor tell you " you have cancer, we need to do something about it and it's going to hurt" or would you rather have one that would tell you "it's all right, everything is going to be ok, don't worry, cancer is a good thing"? We love the person but we can never tolerate the sin. If you were walking towards a precipice and I knew that you were going to fall and probably get badly hurt or die, would you be ok with me not saying anything or would you prefer if I would warn you and save you from a really bad fall? THE CLASSIC EXAMPLE: Our Lord told Mary Magdalene the prostitute she was forgiven because she REPENTED from her sin and stopped committing it. He told her: "GO AND SIN NO MORE". HAHAHAH regarding your comments about my sons I take them for what they are: plain and pure garbage, not even worth commenting on. Biology and Medicine have existed since Hippocrates in the 4th century BC and it has been always a constant that has never changed: God created them MALE AND FEMALE. No matter how many so called "genders" people would like to invent this will never change the FACT that if you have a DNA test it will yield only one of two possible results: either you are a man or a woman. Period. When a person's thinking and beliefs do not conform with reality, that is insanity. Now there are people claiming they are mermaids, cats, vampires, reptiles, etc, etc. and trying to live like animals. If any of them get sick, should they go to a veterinarian instead of a regular doctor that treat people? Give me a break! This insanity can only go for so long before the whole thing comes crushing to the ground, there is no foundation to it what so ever and it is bound to be dismantled very soon.

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Very true. Co-opting the marginalized is what extremist ideologues do best. If we want the queer campaign to lose its steam, we have to start finding a way of understanding people who ARE different instead of assuming they are a destabilizing force. Many gay people WANT to be conservative.

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Many gay people ARE conservative. Ever heard of Log Cabin Republicans? Just because they have different sexual urges than you -- or probably not; usually the ones fascinated by strangers' sex lives and the "queer campaign" (now THAT's a fiction; do you really think anyone is interested in recruiting you on to their team? Being gay is a fact of life, not a bowling league.) are the ones struggling with their sexual feelings -- doesn't mean they are meaningfully different from you in any way. They're just people. Don't be a bigot and pretend they all think alike, or are on a "campaign, or are "destabilizing." If you're thrown off by someone else's sex life, you're not the one with a problem. Keep your eyes on your own genitals for a change.

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This is an idea I hadn't considered and it makes a lot of sex to me. Even without the internet or video p0rn, I grew up as a girl not wanting anything to do with sex, boys, or men. They shouted from passing cars about what my value was. It was extremely alienating.

I never felt I was supposed to be a boy, but I have called myself, jokingly, a female impersonator at times. I'm not overly agreeable, I don't have warm and hospitable feelings towards people I'm not friendly with, I'm not a homemaker, I'm not interested in outre sex . . . I do think a reasonable takeaway from this piece is straight men -- once again -- have a lot to answer for if their normal conduct is making generations of women feel like they don't fit in a world where sex kitten or saint (teacher, nurse) were and still are to some extent the two available options. The hazing and danger involved for women in other professions is intended to discourage them from competing (because when women compete with men, they win too much).

Straight men are the reason people are afraid of transwomen in women's bathrooms. Straight men are why no one wants a young woman to walk home alone, and also why if that woman reports a rape, she won't be believed, he won't be apprehended, and there won't be a trial to hold him responsible. Why? Because while all women are constantly at risk of being raped, none of them actually are; they're all masterful liars.

Maybe there's a way for straight men to stop calling any woman who *does* choose to have sex with men a "slut" or "whore." After all, she has a partner, and he's not disrespected. Maybe there's a way for them to not fill the comments section of any woman they disagree with with negative comments about her appearance, coupled with threats to sexually assault her. I wonder if straight men can learn to treat women as people who, as a part of their lives, sometimes have sex, instead of primarily as objects whose sexual appeal should be the topic of most conversations involving her. If she is appealing to them, she's an unavailable bitch and can be disregarded; if she's not appealing to them, she has no value whatsoever and can therefore be disregarded.

I wish straight men would read this interesting piece and consider why a teenager might want to escape womanhood, and whether there's anything they might do about it besides call her a woke idiot who's bringing down western civilization. Something to think about ~

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"Ideally, a girl should be able to explore sexual ideas in a safe way, when she’s old enough to choose it herself, in ways and with people that are age appropriate for her. Today, that developmental pathway has been hijacked."

This is the only part I disagree with. People should wait until marriage to have sex. That's the most healthy way, and the way God intended.

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A lot of us didn't marry and never wanted it. You are telling us we shouldn't do it at all if we reject marriage. I don't want the rotten 1950s back, with all the teen marriages, shotgun marriages, forced marriages, and early divorces.

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Teen marriages are a good thing. The rest is lies and slander.

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Teen marriages are bad. The majority of them are forced ones which are legal.

"U.S. children typically do not yet have the rights of adulthood; those rights are granted at 18 or older.

Children who are not yet 18 usually are not even allowed to leave home, whether to escape from parents who are planning an unwanted wedding for them or to flee from an abusive spouse. In many states, children who leave home are considered runaways; police will take them back home against their will. In some states, children who run away can be charged criminally. Further, in many states, advocates like those at Unchained who help a child to leave home to escape a forced marriage can be charged criminally (this actually happened to an Unchained volunteer).

Besides, where would the children go? Most domestic violence shelters across the U.S. refuse to accept anyone who is not yet 18 (unless the child is with a parent or guardian). One shelter refused to accept an Unchained client a day before her 18th birthday. Youth shelters are not a solution: They typically notify parents their children are there and house children only for about three weeks while they work on a reunification plan. Nor are child-protective services a solution: Caseworkers typically point out that preventing legal marriages is not in their mandate.

Those fleeing a forced marriage often have complex legal needs, but contracts with children, including retainer agreements with attorneys, usually are voidable. Only the most generous attorneys who do not care about getting paid (such as Unchained’s pro bono attorneys) would agree to represent a child.

Perhaps most shockingly, children in the U.S. typically are not allowed to initiate a legal proceeding in their own name. This means, in many states, children can be entered into marriages, typically by a parent or guardian, with little or no say from them – and then they are not allowed to file for divorce or annulment in their own name or even to seek a protective order.

Most children who marry in the U.S. are minor girls wed to adult men. The girls face all the hurdles described here, while their adult spouses have no such handicaps. Think about the dangerous power imbalance that creates.

When children reach out to Unchained and learn about their limited options, many of them despair and turn to suicide attempts and self-harm."

Source (which includes other negative consequences and links to sources.)

https://www.unchainedatlast.org/child-marriage-devastating-consequences/

https://www.theguardian.com/inequality/2018/feb/06/it-put-an-end-to-my-childhood-the-hidden-scandal-of-us-child-marriage

https://www.equalitynow.org/end_child_marriage_us

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"I don't want the rotten 1950s back, with all the teen marriages, shotgun marriages, forced marriages, and early divorces." Those things definitely didn't die in the 1950s.

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I completely agree with you. That is why the world is so chaotic and destructive right now. It was a process that spiraled out of control after the sexual revolution of the evil 60's.

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In 1988, the last year of Reagan's presidency, the population of the US was 245 million, and 13,923,100 crimes were recorded. The crime rate increased every year after that until in 2000, the last year of Bill Clinton's two terms, there were 11,608,072 crimes. The population then was 281 million.

In 2019, the last year these comprehensive stats were available, there were 328 million people residing in the US. The total number of crimes was 8,171,087.

If chaos and destruction were the result of the sexual revolution of the 1960s, how do you explain the crime going DOWN so much from its peak of 14,438,200 after 12 years of "conservative" rule (Reagan 1980 - 1988, Bush 1988 - 1992) until now? Have people become more sexually monogamous or chaste in the past 30 years? Did things seem this chaotic and destructive when Poppy left office in 1992?

Were you aware the crime had fallen so far? Republicans want you to be terrified or crime and black people, so they try to link those things to "liberal" policies. It's not true at all. So much of what they say is meant to scare you or make you angry, because when you're in those heightened emotional states, your brain isn't functioning at the reasoning level of the neocortex but rather at the primitive level of the brainstem.

You might be curious about why they don't want you in your rational mind when you think of the state of the world. Or you might not. There's a whole lot of information out there like what I've presented here that might challenge some of what you've been repeatedly told for political purposes. Type any question you can think of into google, and make sure you're reading credible sources. Happy learning!

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The idea that transgenderism (and likely much of the invention of multiple forms of gender identity) is a flight from rather than an embrace of sexuality has been on my mind for some time. This article provides some support for this idea.

Wishing the writer all the best on her journey.

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I reside in a Red southern city. Everywhere you look there's vehicles with Confederate stickers and depictions of naked women. Strip clubs are full on any given night. So, I'm not going for the agenda Helena is promoting. I read one of her articles where she referenced being a white girl,while proceeding to regurgitate "replacement theory" dogma. I suggest she research and find out how pornography went mainstream and who it's biggest consumers are. All Helena's doing is trading debunked ideologies.

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What agenda? I live in a heavily Democrat/Progressive city, and it's not the rednecks who love the swinger and kink parties in the BDSM scene here. It's the socially conscious upper income liberal men. And I don't blame them. Don't blame the rednecks. It's not a vice you can pin on "White supremacy". The biggest consumers of violent sex scenes on Pornhub are Middle Eastern men. Restraint is not merely a Conservative virtue to aspire to. Or a Western one. It's rather culturally ignorant to think Republican white people is the oppressive force behind sexual self discipline and delayed gratification. Just ask all the Eastern monks who practice celibacy while channelling sexual energies into the study of meditation, martial arts or other skills. We've got to get over the idea that the Christian/Puritan past has some good lessons in their conservative philosophies that might just be universal. We can learn from them without being dogmatic about it. Kids like Helena NEED us to do that and get over OUR hangups about having rules limiting what we enjoy. Consequences exist even if we few are privileged enough to dismiss them as a social construct. It's kids like Helena who pay the price.

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I live in a heavily DemocratIC (correct grammar) / Progressive city and I guess you really have to be there to know who loves swingers and kink parties.

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Yeah that's true. Not every city is the same or has the same kind of people living in it - or the same kind of registered Democrats :D Each city's culture is different too. I was generic about mine because "Anonymity" and all that, LOL. Our city is kinda known to have that "dark side" (Oh geez, I JUST got the grammar correction, thanks!)

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February 23, 2022
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I'd love to hear specific examples of how transgenderism is "promoted" in schools in a way that, say, heterosexuality is not.

Adolescence is a time of identity experimentation identity formation. Most kids will try on a few different personas during that time. Now, one of the possibilities is experimenting with gender expression. It's been a very healing time for people who've known all their lives that their gender doesn't fit them, and transitioning has been satisfying for the majority of them. Many, most, of the kids who are changing their clothing and their names won't take it any further, though I wonder how many will luxuriate in androgyny and not rush to resume a strictly feminine identity for the reasons laid out in this post.

There may be a few who go further (e.g., irreversible surgery) for the wrong reasons, and that will be regrettable. Before this was a real possibility for them, many of those tormented people would OD and die because they were taking drugs to cope with difficult emotions. Are we really saying there's an epidemic of artificial trans interest? That we're losing everyone from 12 - 30 to a bizarre form of questioning that's resulting in huge numbers of them giving up their procreative potential to the point it threatens the supply of domestic infants? Is it possible that boys are also terrified by p)rn and not entering authentic intimate relationships for the same reason as girls?

I think the recent trans panic is mostly ginned up by the same culture war profiteers who brought you "gay marriage is a threat to straight marriage." Now that Roe is mostly out of the picture, they've got to keep the godless heathen terror going. Most people have no idea how many trans people are out here passing all the time, even when they're peeing in the next stall.

Does it need to be seen as a social problem on the same plane as gun violence, which is now the #1 cause of death for children? How can they be considered remotely comparable? Let's get fentanyl out of our drug supply, because that's also killing kids. Maybe after solving those two real-life threats to human life, we'll have the luxury of worrying about how strangers are coming along with their gender confusion. Until then, please, back the fuck off.

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