As a gender non-conforming woman, I agree with so many of the points you've made. I've been (horrors!) misgendered before, but although I was variously annoyed or amused given the situation, I was, wonder of wonders, able to move on. People make mistakes! It's not the end of the world!
But seriously, if I'd been able to opt out of all that adolescent girls and young women have to endure (ahem! more or less constant sexual assault and objectification), I probably would have gone the non-binary route too. Now that I'm older and my personality has stabilized, being female is not so bad. Even good sometimes. It is unfortunate, I think, that being non-binary for biological females means rejecting femininity. And it's similarly peculiar that we are relying so heavily on gender stereotypes to assign gender. Does anyone remember when the insult used to be to call a non-conforming woman "sir" or refer to her as "him?" Now it's the complete opposite.
I was hanging out with a straight, very progressive, couple that I know the other day, and the subject of transgender kids came up. And the husband was telling me about a boy he knew in a friend's family who was very feminine. My friend used this kid as an example of someone who was "obviously" trans. A boy whose girl column behavior had marked him, in the eyes of this straight friend of mine, as someone who would be better off climbing all the way into that column and just identifying that way.
Don't get me wrong: if this kid, as an adult, identifies as female, and wants to transition? I honestly say go for it, there are unquestionably people who benefit from physical transition in some cases. But it was a moment when I saw pretty plainly that there's more than just acceptance and tolerance at work here. There are those who are comforted, from without, by the trans identity--because it neatly orders behavior that, to them, does not add up.
As a gay man, who often had feminine traits as a boy, and who struggled with my role as a man in my 20s, but eventually came to be very happy with it...let's just say I disagreed with my friend pretty strongly, LOL. But I was grateful to him for saying the quiet part out loud.
This should be about what is best for the child, but sometimes it's about what's best for everybody else. And for people who are questioning their gender, that is yet another obstacle for them to contend with.
The real issue in what is called "gender fluidity" or the unscientific rejection of the gender that a child is born as the time of birth may very well be in far too many cases "snowplow parenting, in which parents believe their job is to clear obstacles out of their children’s way rather than to equip them with the skills to navigate those obstacles."
I, too, am shocked by the reappearance of judgmental, narrow-minded, stereotypes. Interestingly, when I was in my late teens, my father continually ridiculed me because he thought I was not "masculine" enough... despite the fact that I was an award-winning amateur wrestler and AAU Jr. Olympics weightlifter. The reason he thought that was because all of my friends were female, I was a bookworm, and I did not like stereotypical male activities (which I found to be mostly a waste of time). Later in life, in between academic careers, I was a jewelry designer. Of course, because of my occupation, the fact I was single, and I dressed very avant-garde, everyone thought I was gay. (I'm not.) Now, I am a middle-aged, Italian/Irish American, well published, professor with three grown children. Because of this, everybody assumes I am sexist, racist, and privileged. Does it ever end?
Regarding Snowplow parents: I can't help but wonder if this is an outgrowth of our wealth disparity. Parents fear their children will fall into the nether classes without the constant coddling that smooths their path. That anxiety tells us something about how we feel about the class divide and how utterly destructive it is to think of yourself as qualitatively better because of your financial status.
What an astonishingly ignorant mess. There's absolutely no reason to blame trans people for whatever she's imagining has changed for gender non-conforming kids. No one who's knowledgeable about trans kids is teaching anyone that sex or gender is interchangeable with sex stereotypes. No one is "medicating" kids for being gender non-conforming. I'm not sure why this writer decided fearmongering about trans people was helpful or benefits kids in any way, but the opposite is true. Let someone who knows what they're talking about write about this, because this person isn't it.
As a gender non-conforming woman, I agree with so many of the points you've made. I've been (horrors!) misgendered before, but although I was variously annoyed or amused given the situation, I was, wonder of wonders, able to move on. People make mistakes! It's not the end of the world!
But seriously, if I'd been able to opt out of all that adolescent girls and young women have to endure (ahem! more or less constant sexual assault and objectification), I probably would have gone the non-binary route too. Now that I'm older and my personality has stabilized, being female is not so bad. Even good sometimes. It is unfortunate, I think, that being non-binary for biological females means rejecting femininity. And it's similarly peculiar that we are relying so heavily on gender stereotypes to assign gender. Does anyone remember when the insult used to be to call a non-conforming woman "sir" or refer to her as "him?" Now it's the complete opposite.
I was hanging out with a straight, very progressive, couple that I know the other day, and the subject of transgender kids came up. And the husband was telling me about a boy he knew in a friend's family who was very feminine. My friend used this kid as an example of someone who was "obviously" trans. A boy whose girl column behavior had marked him, in the eyes of this straight friend of mine, as someone who would be better off climbing all the way into that column and just identifying that way.
Don't get me wrong: if this kid, as an adult, identifies as female, and wants to transition? I honestly say go for it, there are unquestionably people who benefit from physical transition in some cases. But it was a moment when I saw pretty plainly that there's more than just acceptance and tolerance at work here. There are those who are comforted, from without, by the trans identity--because it neatly orders behavior that, to them, does not add up.
As a gay man, who often had feminine traits as a boy, and who struggled with my role as a man in my 20s, but eventually came to be very happy with it...let's just say I disagreed with my friend pretty strongly, LOL. But I was grateful to him for saying the quiet part out loud.
This should be about what is best for the child, but sometimes it's about what's best for everybody else. And for people who are questioning their gender, that is yet another obstacle for them to contend with.
The real issue in what is called "gender fluidity" or the unscientific rejection of the gender that a child is born as the time of birth may very well be in far too many cases "snowplow parenting, in which parents believe their job is to clear obstacles out of their children’s way rather than to equip them with the skills to navigate those obstacles."
This is a wonderful essay. Thank you very much.
I, too, am shocked by the reappearance of judgmental, narrow-minded, stereotypes. Interestingly, when I was in my late teens, my father continually ridiculed me because he thought I was not "masculine" enough... despite the fact that I was an award-winning amateur wrestler and AAU Jr. Olympics weightlifter. The reason he thought that was because all of my friends were female, I was a bookworm, and I did not like stereotypical male activities (which I found to be mostly a waste of time). Later in life, in between academic careers, I was a jewelry designer. Of course, because of my occupation, the fact I was single, and I dressed very avant-garde, everyone thought I was gay. (I'm not.) Now, I am a middle-aged, Italian/Irish American, well published, professor with three grown children. Because of this, everybody assumes I am sexist, racist, and privileged. Does it ever end?
Thanks again for a great essay, Frederick
You spend your time on the internet questioning transgender dogma under your real name and you lack fortitude? I don’t think so LOL!
Regarding Snowplow parents: I can't help but wonder if this is an outgrowth of our wealth disparity. Parents fear their children will fall into the nether classes without the constant coddling that smooths their path. That anxiety tells us something about how we feel about the class divide and how utterly destructive it is to think of yourself as qualitatively better because of your financial status.
What an astonishingly ignorant mess. There's absolutely no reason to blame trans people for whatever she's imagining has changed for gender non-conforming kids. No one who's knowledgeable about trans kids is teaching anyone that sex or gender is interchangeable with sex stereotypes. No one is "medicating" kids for being gender non-conforming. I'm not sure why this writer decided fearmongering about trans people was helpful or benefits kids in any way, but the opposite is true. Let someone who knows what they're talking about write about this, because this person isn't it.